Papi

It’s funny how poets can start writing poetry at a certain point in time. Sometimes all it takes is a small event to sparkle creativity that leads to poetry such as the poem Papi written by the Slovenian poetess Nikol Stojanovic.

Nikol on InstagramAbout Nikol

She is 21 years-old and lives in the Slovenian town Portoroz (Port of Roses). There was a period that she didn’t consider herself to be much of a reader. She had other things to do. She played sports, varying from tennis to soccer. When she was sixteen years old, it all changed with a small gesture. Someone gave her a poetry book by Sylvia Plath. From that moment on, Nikol learned to appreciate poetry and searched for poets who wrote in the same way as Plath did. Her quest lead to the discovery of Virginia Woolf.

 

Poetry can help you cope with the problems you face in life. Nikol knows about this because it was poetry that helped her. As she describes it, this was her own period of “darkness.” She wanted to see who she was and what she was capable of. She made a brave decision to pen down her thoughts. However, there was an even braver action that followed two years later: she offered others the chance to read her work. From that moment on, she decided to move forward and began to publish her work on social media. The motivation to keep on writing is from those wonderful reactions she got from total strangers on social media, who happened to like her work. As her work concerns, she published some beautiful poetry and we do hope that she keeps on writing her beautiful words. the She writes both in English and in Slovenian. Check out her profile on Instagram, it will be worth your time!

 

About Papi

One cannot deny that Nikol was inspired by Sylvia Plath when you take a look at the title of this poem. It is inspired by the poem Daddy. Nikol transformed her thoughts into Papi and according to her, it’s all about the relationship with her father. Her father left and did not contact his family long after he was gone. He eventually moved to Switzerland and remarried.

 

Life wasn’t easy for Nikol. At that time, she was three-years-old and it was her older brother (six at that time), who had to take care of her.  Her mother was forced to work a lot, until the moment her father decided to start paying alimony. From that moment on, her father thought things were good. He even started to send presents. It looked as if he had forgotten about what happened. Or it could be the cause of the unhealthy lifestyle that he believed everything was just fine. Four years ago it was this unhealthy lifestyle (drinking a lot), that caused him to have a heart attack. He survived. As for Nikol, she has a father but considers him only as her biological father. She decided to call him Papi since she thinks he doesn’t deserve to be called (a) father. ,

 

This poem seems to hold everything that wasn’t hers to have and it tells us this story about a sad three-years-old girl, who has been abandoned by her father. In this poem, we read how a little girl can sit by the window, wanting this man to return. He won’t.

One can only conclude that this poetess managed to transform those dark and sad feelings into a poem that resembles a personal protest. An outcry if you prefer. This is the “other side” of poetry. Instead of those poems that describe the love for family, this describes anything but the love or the fact that there hasn’t been love. Yes, the first category of poems – about those beautiful moments – are also well-written poems. This category, however, isn’t just well-written, it’s written straight from the heart and one can only show compassion for this young poetess and support her in her struggle (or battle) to be heard.

 

Papi

 

Papi

 

 

When I was only 3

my father decided to leave

and my brother who was only 6

had to take over a father’s figure for me

 

It was in midst of August

when mamma had to cut her wings

for my brother and I

for us to be free

 

So I sat by the window

waiting for the man in sorrow

waiting for the man in shadow

to turn back and see

 

A child calling another man his father

A child forgetting how to play with toys

A child leaving his beloved dreams behind

and a mother keeping herself from sleep

 

‘Das ist für die Kinder’

Spoke the man with white cross on his chest

Thinking Swiss are the parent

That will shape him into a man

 

A man of honour and respect

to people who spit in his face

and poured poison into his chest

‘Vergiss die Kinder’ they yelled

 

Ah, Papi, or how the Swiss call you

You have done more damage than good

You have only left scars and bruises

That even CHF cannot heal

 

Ah, papi

Look at your son growing into a man that you will never be

Trying so hard to outgrow your mistakes

the ones he cannot ever mend

 

And look at his figure resembling yours

that he is trying so hard to shake off

Look at his will to be a perfect man

 

And look at his goal at

searching for the cure and

making potions with golden hands

 

Ah, papi

‘Ich bin nicht mehr 3 Jahre alt’

I am not your ‘mala partizanka’

And you cannot buy my love with gifts

 

Because something hurts inside

when you set my phone on fire

with calls I do not want to reply

and tell you why

 

I no longer call or visit

or tell you I love you

And I do not know why

I haven’t answered in a month

 

Although I do understand

that you have demons

not even you can tame

Oh, the darkness consumes you

 

But you should know

that Wießwein

won’t help you scare them away

They will grow and defeat your soul

 

Like they once did

when your heart suddenly failed

and your blood stopped pumping

and swept you away

 

Dreaming of the land

Dreaming of Switzerland

 

Ah, can’t you see?

I will call you Papi, if that’s what you please

But all in all you are just a sperm donor to me

 

 

 

Nikol Stojanovic

 

 

Title
Papi
Article Name
Papi
Summary
Her poem for her father... or papi
Author
Publisher Name
The Ministry of Poetic Affairs

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